Attachment Science: How childhood experiences affect the way we relate to ourselves and others.

What is attachment science?

The myth that children are resilient is false. Our early life experiences greatly influence how we will navigate the world throughout the remainder of our lives. Children are like sponges, absorbing information from their environment at a rapid rate and integrating this information into how they view themselves and others. Children are particularly susceptible to influence by their parents / caregivers: our reliance on our parents for both emotional and physical well-being when we are young places us in a vulnerable position, and builds the template for how we will approach our relationships with ourselves and others as adults.

For individuals who struggle with mental health problems, the realization that they hold negative beliefs that stem from their childhood experiences is common. For example, an individual whose parents were emotionally absent during childhood may develop the beleif that they are unlovable, while an individual who experienced parental divorce when they were young may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment or may hold the belief that relationships are impermanent or fragile.

The role that our childhood experiences play in shaping our adult selves is the essence of attachment science. Therapeutic modalities such as Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) offer a map for moving forward and restructuring the attachment-based beliefs we hold about ourselves and others that were formed during the early years of our lives. By re-wiring the way we think about these early experiences we can make profound, life-altering shifts that instil in us a sense of hope about the future and help us to connect more authentically with ourselves and others.

How can I apply this to my life?

I invite you to think about the early years of your life, between the ages of about 5 and 10 years. What events occurred during this timeframe, when you were first learning about the world and your place within it? Consider how these experiences might have shaped how you perceived yourself and others at the time, and whether they still hold any weight in influencing how you relate to yourself and others today.